The beginning...

It is the end of the month. The half-way mark of the year. But, my goodness, I think it is really the beginning of what is to come!

So many changes taking place. Moving to a new state, beginning new jobs, new homes.... and now, new life. Today, June 30, 2008, we found out that we are pregnant. No one knows yet, but us. It is unreal. Sheer disbelief. I am afraid to accept it as truth only to be denied it later. And the fragility of the first few weeks is daunting. And what lies ahead is both exciting and overwhelming. I have fluctuated between laughing quietly to myself, to exuberance that I can't control, to butterflies in my stomach, to wanting to cry out of fear. This is uncharted territory.

I wanted to do something creative to tell Mike. I tested before work and then again at work (talk about awkward!). But couldn't wait long enough to concoct a plan cute or clever enough to share the news. Since I couldn't focus on work all day long anyways, I came up with a ton of hokey plans that did not seem like I could really do them. There was no smooth way of sharing the news, especially when I didn't even believe the news myself. So I did what is most comfortable for me... I kept my words to myself-- and I let the test do the talking instead. I made dinner and simply set the test by his napkin, waiting to be found. Now, of course, I didn't think about where the test had been or about the details of the pregnancy testing process. (Yuck.) However, had I done so, I probably would have chosen a more tasteful and less disgusting way of sharing this news than placing the stick so near Mike's dinner plate. But again, I had to spill the beans soon and I had to be sure that Mike would come across the information without me having to find words for it. Needless to say, it worked. Not the greatest idea I ever had, but probably right within my style... He looked at it with a confused look and asked what it was. I explained by simply stating that it was a pregnancy test. And it was positive. And I nervously laughed-- standard. And then my disbelief was his. So, dinner consisted of half-eaten plates, blank stares at each other, and awkward questions and "what if's" posed. And as soon as we scarfed down the dinner that we could, we ran to Target to get another test-- this time one that spoke to us in real words versus symbols.

And there you go. It took 5 tests to convince me. And even then, it had to be the digital test that yelled "Pregnant" at me before I think I really got it.

And do I really "get it"? I have no idea... We will see what is to come... :)